Sigh

I feel like an absolute monster.  Why the fuck aren't there more books and movies that serve as warning for simply just falling out of love? -H  July 5, 2023

 I used to have to pull over when driving, Because the thought of your face would send me spinning,  Heart spiraling and stomach heaving,  The love and needing being so immense.  I don't know what happened. I know I loved so,  SO deeply, And one day, it was like that just shut off, the faucet for my care running dry into apathy.  2 years later, and I'm still trying to tell myself that the feeling will come back.  But it's one engagement,  wedding, and almost another anniversary later, And I am finally realizing that the days of being hollow are greater than being full.  - H July 5, 2023 

It used to feel a lot more personal. I would recount the days in the beginning when I lost you, The days in the middle when I wasn't sure if I had you, And there would be a plunder in the middle of my chest.  I could remember my fingers itching for a bottle, My head spinning with calculated assumptions,  My heart falling to the pit of the stomach.   I used to see it through her eyes - my eyes.  I try to mentally revisit those days - Remember when the epitome of my existence was you, When all I wanted was to call those arms my home.  But I can't.  They feel like stolen memories.   She doesn't even feel like me.  Instead of looking through my eyes, I am looking through a mirrored window, My soul watching my body take on the actions of another person. Is this what falling out of love is like? -H  July 5, 2023