I don't recognize her

It used to feel a lot more personal.

I would recount the days in the beginning when I lost you,

The days in the middle when I wasn't sure if I had you,

And there would be a plunder in the middle of my chest. 

I could remember my fingers itching for a bottle,

My head spinning with calculated assumptions, 

My heart falling to the pit of the stomach.  

I used to see it through her eyes - my eyes. 

I try to mentally revisit those days -

Remember when the epitome of my existence was you,

When all I wanted was to call those arms my home. 

But I can't. 

They feel like stolen memories.  

She doesn't even feel like me. 

Instead of looking through my eyes, I am looking through a mirrored window,

My soul watching my body take on the actions of another person.

Is this what falling out of love is like?

-H 

July 5, 2023