The first non-poem.

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Thoughts. 

I'm not going to lie, I've been thinking lots.
About what I'm doing
Why I stay 
What is keeping me here. 
And the idea of leaving has been flirting with the back of my mind.
But tonight I really thought you were going to leave, that I was going to lose you, and I fucking lost it.  I was hyperventilating, shaking, crying, sick to my stomach.  I had to stop myself from screaming and clawing away the fragile flesh incasing my decaying soul.  
I can't ever lose you.
And that makes me feel relieved, happy to know that where I am is where I need to be.
And it also terrifies me.
Because if I ever lost you, I don't think I would ever be even remotely okay.


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